hunting for eggs

The Easter when I was sixteen

I did so much cocaine I couldn’t breathe through my nose for a week

And now I get sinus infections but all I really remember is

Everyone downstairs, laughing,

Eating,

My younger cousins didn’t know and maybe still don’t

That they were being scorched by proximity to me,

Orbiting too close.

You know how that goes.

Light came through the window

In the pattern of the beech tree but

All I saw was black and

White. Your raspberry

Lips splattered on the asphalt like

Bird shit, the way

The grass blows in the wind.

And yeah there was blood and a

Long time with no sleep and

I still love you

Sometimes.

It really fucked me up.

After lunch we all went out in the yard and the kids

Sifted through the waving grass

On hands and knees, the soft spots in between their fingers

Sliced by the cool blades,

Clamoring for a cheap, neon surprise.

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